Watson: Unbelievable!
Me: I said I was sorry...
Watson: So you just woke up this morning and thought, "I know, instead of getting a trained professional, I'll just cut Watson's hair".
Me: It looked pretty easy, and we're in a recession...
Watson: Well it's a good thing you had my testicles cut off because there's no chance I'd get to use them looking like this anyways.

*At 5am this morning
Watson: Hey, are you guys awake?
Us: zzzzzz
*Watson headbutts Lauren
Watson: ARE YOU GUYS AWAKE?!?!?!
Me: What's wrong, do you need something?
Watson: No, I was just curious. Now I'm going back to sleep.
Us: !?!?!?!?!?!?!

Watson: Remember how much you hated that floor mat downstairs?  Well, I took care of it for you.  You're welcome.  Also, on a totally unrelated note, you probably need to vacuum.
Me: ...

Me: Will you just pee already so we can go in?  It's cold out here.
Watson: But I just found this stick, and you'll drag me inside as soon as I go.
Me: Well I'm going to drag you in soon even if you don't go.
Watson: Then I'll just pee inside.
Me: Then I'll rub your nose in it and throw you back outsi....oh.
Watson: Checkmate.  I'll be over here with my stick.

Watson: I'm pretty fast, I don't think you could catch me if you wanted to.
Me: Yeah, you're probably right.
Watson: I mean it, you probably shouldn't even try.
Me: Ok, thanks for the heads up.
*Watson stares at me for a minute or two
Me: Do you want me to chase you Watson?
Watson: OH BOY, YES! AHHHHHHH!
*Watson runs away

Watson: What....what is that smell? It's amazing.
Me: Oh, I put bacon on my sandwich today.
Watson: I must have some.
Me: Ok, give it a try.
Watson: I can't believe it...the flavor...it's like nothing I've ever had before. I must have more.
Me: Well I just finished the last of it.
Watson: Then I'll just lick your fingers for the rest of day. Keep your hand by your side please.

Watson: This house plant tastes delicious!
Me: Don't lick that!
Watson: This laptop bag tastes delicious!
Me: Watson, no!  You're getting slobber everywhere.
Watson: This chair is delicious!
Me: How do dogs survive in the wild if they lick every new thing they find?  Isn't that dangerous?
Watson: This electrical socket is delicious!
Me: Exactly.